Monday, April 12, 2010
The Facebook Status Updates That Could Have Been:
I admit it, I spend way too much time on Facebook. Even more alarming is how much time I spend thinking about Facebook. Going about my day I find myself narrating my life in Facebook status updates of 420 characters or less. Plenty of them don't make it to my wall for one reason or another but some are worth sharing somewhere. Don't judge me. I'm not the only one (yeah, yeah, I know, if everybody else jumps off a bridge are you going to and all that) and you Twitter junkies are just as bad. I won't even mention die-hard bloggers, the ones that do things just so they can blog about them. They see life as one giant blog post. Not that I have any knowledge of this personally.
Without further ado, the Facebook Status Updates that could have been:
- High Fructose Corn Syrup is the body and blood of Satan.
- Squiggle Bug eats PB&J by opening the sandwich and eating it from the inside out.
- Lady Gaga is like cotton candy: disgusting over-dyed fluff sugar that you know isn't good for you but you just. can't. stop.
- Is it a bad sign if I'm thinking of what I could put on my Facebook status just seconds after posting one?
- With the laundry and dishes done nobody notices that I haven't showered in days. Clean laundry and dishes are way more important.
- No, I don't just sit around doing nothing all day. Yes, I did just spend an hour getting smiles and laughs from Smunchie. It's a tough job but somebody's got to do it.
- I wish I had two washers, one would just be for diapers.
- 11 is the new 2!
- I do not recommend stuffing a crochet wool play cookie in your mouth even if it is to impress a 9 year old.
- You do not want to know where I just found poop.
- It turns out randomly bursting into song really does happen in real life! Either that or my children think we're in a very long musical. A very long musical that sings about everything and I do mean everything.
- When it comes to music, crap is the new pop!
- If I posted every Facebook status that comes into my head I wonder how many times poop would show up in my word tracker thingy.
- Do not threaten me or I'll be forced to spray you with breastmilk. I'm not joking.
- We started watching V and I can't stop! Which totally means I think everyone around me is actually an alien lizard thing.
- All I want to do is sit down and knit.
- "I've got my happy face on today, Les!"
- What are you doing? Nothing? Nothing doesn't look like that. You have the look of something. Something you don't want to tell me.
- "You're not my teacher!" Uh... did I not explain homeschooling to you?
- Copy and paste does not a Facebook status make. *Copy and paste this into your status if you're tired of copy and paste status updates. Only the really fed up will have the courage to do this, most people will just pretend they don't see it.*
- Awwww! Squiggle Bug is an artist! You should totally see the mural in the bathroom.
- I'm starting to think you have to already be organized to get organized.
- Dear child, as long as you are under the age of at least 14, maybe even 18, if you use the phrase "when I was a kid" I will laugh.
- WTH! Did somebody pass out crazy pills and skip me?
- I hate cupcakes. Pinocchio nose? I have no idea what you're talking about.
- Smunchie hates being alone. This works out well. With 4 big sisters being alone won't even happen when she learns how to use the bathroom.
- I totally came up with, like, 6 great status updates in the last hour but didn't want to appear like I have a Facebook problem by sharing them all. Oh, guess I shouldn't have said that.