Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Woman Uncensored

A couple of months ago I stumbled across a blog with a very outspoken few posts. It was a new blog, there were only a few posts. I ended up going back a few times and started following her blog and facebook. I love her frank, tell-it-how-I-see-it style and gutsy way of taking on issues and the conversation her posts often generate. So I was really honored when I was asked to be a guest blogger on her blog.

The recent death of Lydia Schatz from child abuse got me thinking. This particular case is extreme but it still triggered questions and memories from my past and made me reevaluate our discipline decisions. I believe that her parents were convinced they were doing right by their children. They were taught be "experts" that this was what they should do, for the child's good. They put those experts words and advice over their daughter's cries. This to have a happy household. Externally everyone thought they were happy. Odd how often that happens, abused children in what looks like the perfect family, everyone looks very happy and well-behaved. Jeremy and I have been reminded to put listening to our children, to allowing them and God show us what they need. Yes, I'm sure our past baggage factors in there as well but then, shouldn't our past experiences be a part of educating the decisions we make now? To be honest, I have a hard time wrapping my brain around hitting a child being a means of communicating love and concern for someone's well being no matter how controlled the hitting or even how rare. The blog post I wrote for Woman Uncensored is bit of our journey regarding discipline. I'm so honored to be asked to share. Check it out.


  1. I read your post on Woman Uncensored and it was amazing!

    I was spanked any time I did anything wrong as a child. If it was bad enough, I had to wait for my dad to get home and he'd use the belt on my bare bottom. I won't go into details of the painful memories, as I'm sure you can all imagine.

    My dad was a preacher, and of course subscribed to the "spare the rod, spoil the child" ruling. I always wondered how in the world you could take that passage to mean anything other than spanking. After all, in my church, it was understood that it meant spanking and there were no other logical explanations.

    My husband was raised the same way, and was hit until he cried "enough." After all, how would his father know it was working if he wasn't crying?

    At the thought of raising our own children, we feel we are expected to do the same, even though it feels very wrong. Of course, as our parents always said, "it hurts me more than it hurts you." That must be why it's ok... it's supposed to feel wrong to the parent.

    To get to my point, I love your take on what the rod is... not a rod used to beat, but a rod to lead. And when I think about it, the only time in the Bible that a rod was used to strike anything, Moses was punished for striking the rock when he hadn't been instructed specifically to strike it. Interesting and very helpful!

  2. I loved your post, too and shared it, hoping that some of my friends who haven't really "got" it yet, the connection between hitting a child and hitting anyone else you love...

    One of my favorite quotes isn't specifically about parenting, but is so true of it:

    Power is of two kinds. One is obtained by the fear of punishment and the other by acts of love. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent then the one derived from fear of punishment.